its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
