FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
