apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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