so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
