Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
