forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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