You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
