Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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