I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize