the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
