look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
