Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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