allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Please, let me fuck your mom
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The Olympian is in my bed
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
