i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
