If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
