Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
