So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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