Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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