So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
