no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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