True but thats because hes a fetus.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
