shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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