FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
