Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I deserve this hangover.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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