No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
