I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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