I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
