uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
