Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
