Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
