You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
