i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
