Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
