remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
