i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I love how my cats smell like pot.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
