I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
