They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
