Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
