this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
