Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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