Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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