I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
