I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
