I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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