just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
