living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
there is another microwave in the elevator.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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