She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
FUCK WHALES
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
