watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
