shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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