Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
