i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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