I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
