my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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