I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
