I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
