Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
