i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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