You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
