Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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