Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
then he tried to convert me to islam
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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