I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
