I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
