hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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