If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
