Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
