Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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