Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
