she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize