Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
