I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
