I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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