obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I stole a fireplace last night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
