i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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