dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
