that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
