my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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