Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
