Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
