On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
