What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
