I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
