You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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