morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
