Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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