I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
