Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
