Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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