Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
