ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
