How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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