yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
