my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize