I am in a vortex of obligation.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize