I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
