I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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