I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
