piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
