I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
