i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
