yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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