am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize