I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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