So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
